Grief, Exhaustion, and Isolation
Ever felt like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? Like your boots are filled with lead? Every step is heavy, every breath an effort. Maybe you smile, maybe sometimes you even laugh, but it doesn’t feel genuine; it’s not how it used to be.
Maybe you’re all cried out. The tears don’t flow anymore, but you still just feel exhausted. It’s real. The sadness, the physiological changes that may have happened to your body, the psychological pressure of re-evaluating your past, present, and future. But who can you talk to about this? How can you express all of this?
People see you working and getting through your job, they see you book holidays and assume it’s all sun loungers and cocktails; they figure you must be OK now because you’re not taking time off or crying all the time.
But you’re not taking time off. Your grief feels like a full-time job whether you’re in the office or on the beach. It can be really difficult to take it out of the equation of daily life, so you’re running on empty the whole time.
Not only is it exhausting, but it can be so isolating too. You may worry you seem unappreciative of the opportunity to go on holiday; you’re concerned you’re not going the extra mile at work like you used to so your job might be on the line; you’re in a constant battle, not knowing whether to scream and shout, or curl up and sleep.
But nobody else knows that. So, you feel completely alone.
So how can you lift yourself a little? How can you make time to reduce the anxiety, lighten the load, and genuinely smile again?
The first step for me, would be to find pockets of peace: physical spaces that bring you calm, times of the day you feel most relaxed, activities that clear your mind, people who you feel safe with, and with whom you can be truly you.
It can be difficult to know where these are, so if you’re not sure, try finding internal peace first. How can you create peace and calm within yourself, so you don’t feel so heavy?
I spoke to a client recently who was on holiday, struggling through another devastating baby loss. She couldn’t appreciate the beauty of the landscape, the local cuisine, or the break from work. Her mind was firing on all cylinders and there was no peace. No time to enjoy a meal with her partner, no thoughts of anything other than the losses of the past, and the unknown future.
So, we found techniques that could help. Gentle, quick, challenges she could try when they went on their next excursion. Grounding techniques that could support her to be present in her surroundings and find a little bit of peace in her mind. Reflective activities that could be used to just get out all the intrusive, conflicting, and all-encompassing thoughts that were swirling around in her mind.
We will see how these things work for her; not everything works for everyone but dedicating some time to finding that inner peace and calm amidst the exhaustion and isolation that grief can bring can be a great first step in finding joy and purpose again.