Using Intentionality to Forge Your Path
The crashing waterfall, the dismantled puzzle, the untamed ocean: grief can leave you feeling utterly lost. When we lose a loved one, a baby, or another significant part of life, the sheer enormity of it can be paralysing. It can feel impossible to see a path ahead. But, somewhere, there is a route, a journey just for you, a compass to guide you.
And this compass is intentionality – the conscious decision making, the deliberate choice of action. It’s not necessarily about control, nor is it about wishing away or removing the pain, but it’s about presence, mindfulness, and deliberate movement through your grief.
Because, while grief itself is not a choice, how you engage with it absolutely can be.
When you approach grief with intentionality, you're not just going with the flow, you’re actively deciding how you want to show up for yourself and others, and how you honour the memory of your loved one.
Intentionality allows us to reclaim a sense of agency. Grief can leave us feeling powerless but by making intentional choices, no matter how small, you can begin to reclaim some of that agency. No longer being a passive recipient of your life and your pain, but an active participant.
Intentionality allows us to remember our loved ones with purpose. It’s about consciously integrating their memory into life in a way that feels positive, meaningful, and supportive, rather than solely painful.
And intentionality can create space for strength and growth. Grief often leads to unintentional avoidance, isolation, and unhelpful habits, but by intentionally carving out space for your emotions, for reflection, or for activities that support your wellbeing, your next chapter can begin.
Knowing how to do this creates strength in your future too, preparing you for what may lie ahead.
But what does it look like? What do I really mean when I say be more intentional in your grief? We know it’s never one-size fits, but some of these things may help:
Remembrance: choose to intentionally remember. Memories can be overwhelming, and it can feel like we’re being ambushed everywhere we turn. Try looking at photos at a specific time, talking to your loved ones in a dedicated place of meaning, or writing letters about experiences they’d have enjoyed.
Self-care: chose yourself sometimes. It’s so easy to let self-care slide when you’re in the depths of grief, but by consciously scheduling and prioritising activities that nourish your mind, and body you can create some peace. Maybe it’s a warm bath and a glass of wine, a pedicure, or buying a new book and reading it in the park.
Expression: chose to talk about your experience in a safe setting. This may be by joining a group of people who have experienced something like you, or perhaps you want to write about your experience on a blog. Journalling, speaking to a coach, creating art, or supporting others, can all contribute to your growth after loss.
(Dis)connection: intentionally connecting or disconnecting with certain aspects of your life can make the grief journey easier. We often unintentionally withdraw from social events, but choosing to disconnect from other situations which can be draining and overwhelming is no small feat. Similarly, how we chose to connect can also play a part in our growth: chose specific friends, trustworthy family, and set boundaries with those who don’t support you.
This is all very easy to write but doing it can be challenging. So don’t do it all at once. Take one small step today that you know is intended to support your grief journey.
One small step that will allow you to turn the page to the next chapter of your story.