The scattered puzzle pieces of life after loss
Life before loss can get messy, we know that, it’s full of challenge, and things that don’t quite feel right, but also lots of positives, happiness, joy, and satisfaction. Much like a jigsaw puzzle: the laborious task of finding all the edge pieces, the frustration when you can’t find that fourth corner, but the sheer elation when you find it, or you put that last piece in and stand back to admire your masterpiece. Not a jigsaw lover? Hear me out…
Imagine your life as complete: your family, your work, your relationships, hobbies, your sense of self. Everything feeling like it has its place. Many people won’t necessarily feel like it’s totally complete, maybe a work in progress. But what happens when something unexpected happens, or even something you’ve anticipated but it still hits you like a tonne of bricks? That completeness, that work in progress, can be shattered, and that can be devastating and disorientating. The joy you once knew, the little pieces of the puzzle that fit so neatly together, they now don’t fit, or they’re broken into fragments you just can’t find.
It can be exhausting to look for just one of the missing pieces, let alone put them all back together again. Sometimes grief can fundamentally change how we see that puzzle and pieces that fit before may truly no longer resonate. That’s OK, it’s part of the journey, and you can find your new core, your new blueprint, the new cover to your puzzle box.
So how can we put the pieces back together, or repaint the box lid?
When we look at life after loss, it’s difficult to picture the future without the loved one, or without the pain and sorrow we’re feeling now, but what we know is that your future still starts with you. So, what makes you shine? What are your fundamental needs or feelings that when met, bring you peace, joy, clarity, and connection?
For me, I know it’s human connection. It’s that ability to reach a much deeper level than a passing “I’m sorry for what you’re going through,” it’s a profound desire to support, guide, and connect. This has always been key for me, and at various times I’ve felt this need pulled away, the piece of the puzzle hidden under a sofa for a while. In new environments, in new lights, the pieces come back together again, they shift a little and rejig to form a new picture.
By starting with your fundamental needs, we can start to explore how to meet these in your new reality. We don’t need to force old, broken, or lost pieces, back into the space: they won’t fit anymore. But we can put them to one side, and gently, curiously, and compassionately, explore what does fit. Which of those passions and desires you had before are still there now? By putting the ones to the side that no longer resonate, you can make space for new joy. We’re not replacing what was lost, just finding out what remains, and what new possibilities can be explored.
The goal isn’t to reinvent the picture that was there before, but to allow yourself the space to discover a new image: new patterns, new colours, new meaning. It isn’t as simple as putting it all back together again, it’s a deeply personal re-assembling of your own puzzle and it will reassemble at your pace. You will find joy without guilt again, you will remember with a smile, and you will find strength as you grow into your new self.