Excuses vs. Reasons

I wrote a newsletter last month, but I didn’t write my blog.

I told myself it was because I didn’t have time.

I haven’t joined a yoga class or been swimming since moving to the new house even though I know it would help my mental and physical wellbeing.

I told myself it was too expensive and I wouldn’t be able to fit it into my schedule.

I haven’t switched out sugar from my coffee for a healthier alternative despite being concerned about the impact on my health.

I told myself all the alternatives just didn’t taste that good and it’s not like I have five cups a day.

These are the “reasons” I gave myself for my choices last month. Who am I kidding? These are the “reasons” I’ve given myself for the last three months.

But, in reality, they weren’t reasons. They were just excuses. A way to avoid taking action because it just felt too big or too difficult.

So, I didn’t write a blog in November – it’s not the end of the world, and I allowed myself to accept that it wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t because of time though, and as my newsletter highlighted, it was because I was just really stuck. Stuck for inspiration, struggling to find joy, unable to focus on one thing because of the thousands of other thoughts whizzing round head. Time was an excuse, but it wasn’t the reason it didn’t happen.

A coaching session allowed me to find a solution; I accepted responsibility, gained focus, and held myself accountable.

Similarly, I moved to my new house at the beginning of October, and I know there are several opportunities nearby for group exercise (a chance to meet new people AND do the exercise that supports my psychological wellbeing). But group exercise classes are so expensive, I work so much during the day, and I’d rather spend the evenings in the house with my family – there was just no way I’d be able to make it work. The reality? I’d never checked the cost. I’d never checked the schedule. I had just made sweeping assumptions about something I really knew nothing about.

After realising this, I drove down to the swimming pool and found the cost to be less than half the price I was expecting, AND THEY HAVE A SAUNA. So now I have a non-negotiable Friday morning swim in my calendar, and I do not feel guilty about the cost or the time. I also have a trial for a yoga class booked in for the new year. Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?!

And the sugar alternative for my coffee thing? I tried stevia that one time about six months ago and couldn’t understand what the fuss was about. I truly can’t stand the taste of honey (I’ve never liked it), so it’s not worth even bothering putting that in my coffee. And after that horrendous matcha martini I tried on a girl’s night out last year, I am never going near that green stuff again. So… obviously I’ll just have to stick to sugar.

Not obviously. OK, I tried stevia, but honey might taste different in coffee, right?! And I’d never even thought about matcha until another coach mentioned it to me. More excuses, Kat.

Well, guess who now has honey in their coffee. Yup… it tastes pretty good actually. And I also no longer have the excuse of not being able to try local honey to reduce hayfever symptoms when the season arrives, because I’m now consuming it every day.

Such easy changes, all made by acknowledging the difference between excuse and reason.

So why am I telling you this? As a Grief, Loss, and Relationships Coach, I know the challenges in life that can make excuses a much more palatable, and often kinder, route. Though, most of the time excuses are just an avoidance mechanism for deeper meaning and reason and acknowledging that can sometimes feel scary.

I know my examples are light-hearted, but they do demonstrate how a little bit of action and accountability can go a long way to changing habits and getting out of a rut.

Grief is often used as an excuse for not doing something, and a lot of the time, it is a completely valid reason. But what if your grief is holding you back? How many times have you told yourself, “I can’t move forward because I lost someone,” or “I can’t make plans because I’m still too sad.” Are these reasons, or are they excuses that allow you to avoid the fear of change, the fear of putting yourself back out into the world without your loved one by your side, the fear of disloyalty and the guilt of moving forward without them?

Similarly, who has tolerated and made excuses for rocky relationships because addressing the underlying issues feels like it will cause too much discontent? The fear of the unknown, the thought that confrontation will result in a bad outcome, and the risk that things might get even worse: these are all valid concerns. Sometimes, though, the underlying reasons for your relationship challenges are much easier to resolve than continuing with the same excuses day after day, week after week.

So, what are you making excuses for at the moment?

What is the real reason you’re not making changes?

How can you shift from avoidance to action?

I’m not a new year, new me, kind of person, but maybe now really is the time. I’m very guilty of not starting something new “until Monday.” God forbid I start a new health routine, or launch a new product, or begin classes with a new student on a THURSDAY?! Why on earth would I do that?

But seriously – it makes no sense. Why wouldn’t I?

It’s a habit. An excuse not to change and grow.

So, whether you’re struggling to get out of the depths of grief but you desperately feel you’re ready to, or you’re tolerating a relationship that brings you very little joy and nourishment, acknowledge this.

Stop making excuses.

Delve deeper to find the true reason for your challenges.

And with a little bit of action and accountability, those challenges will become your successes.